Let’s dispense with the witty banter. I have midterms and so do you, so I’m gonna keep this brief for both of our sakes.

I have, through experience, gained some valuable pieces of wisdom to decrease your stress level during these trying times:

1.Check out some Bernie or Hillary memes. Golden.

2. While traversing Bruinwalk as you head back home to capture those precious few hours of rest, strategically avoid the flyering. Some people try the bike rack, but I prefer a more direct approach. When an eager leafleter emerges, simply stuff your fists into your pockets and nervously exclaim “Sorry! I don’t have any hands!” and just continue walking. Yes, I said this to a real person. I actually meant that I couldn’t carry anything because my hands were full (of air), but I don’t think she interpreted it that way because she laughed hysterically. I dunno, maybe it was the first joke she’d ever heard. Nonetheless, it worked for me, so here’s hoping you achieve similar results.

3. Attend GREEK CROSSING THIS FRIDAY @ Phi Psi, 7:00pm. Join us for the usual activities: hangin', snackin', discussing Jesus and what he’s all about, asking questions regarding spiritual things, and enjoying unexpected recorder performances by Derek Bergmann.

4. Absorb this inspirational quote: “Keep your goals away from the trolls.”

Soldier on, my friends.