Hello swamp creatures of UCLA,

As it is at the start of every quarter, my wish for you this Winter is twofold: one, that you have avoided CALPIRG. Two, that you haven’t cried in the bathroom over any syllabi (No, this was not me. Yes, it does happen). I also hope you're tolerating your professors. I, for one, love my professors. All of them look like Muppets. CALPIRG could also be a Muppet. Remember that episode where Fozzy Bear, Kermit, and Calpirg harass all those 18-22 year-olds about recycling? I love that one.

If you're a little like me, you might have forgotten how to school over winter break. And if you're a lot like me, you might have forgotten how to socialize. Let me paint you a word picture of a thing I just did:

*walks into a very crowded Rolfe 1200, spots a seat on the end*
Me: "Is anyone sitting there?"

Innocent bystander: "No."

Me: "Cool, I am!" (Yes, I said this out loud)
*gingerly squeezing past him in the aisle to get to my seat*

Me: "Excuse me. I'm sorry. My backpack is huge...AND it's in your face. Wow. Terribly sorry." (Did I mention this was a stranger?)

Innocent bystander: *silent, clearly feeling assaulted by the fact that I was still talking*

As I took my seat and briefly grieved over my inexorable social awkwardness, my left leg immediately fell asleep and I spilled my coffee all over my backpack. But you know what? That's okay. There's a magnificent full rainbow outside, my professor is talking about Dr. Dre, and there's a burrito in my pocket.

AND there's Greek Crossing this Friday. Man, what a time to be alive.

Couldn't get Coachella tickets? This is the next best thing. Friday will be a very special Greek Crossing: since the strapping young gentlemen have rush this week, our OFFICIAL START TIME WILL BE PUSHED BACK ’TIL 8:00PM.

HOWEVER, IF YOU ARE A FEMALE-TYPE PERSON, YOU HAVE THE UNIQUE AND THRILLING PRIVILEGE OF HEADING DOWN TO KD AT 7:00PM FOR SOME BONDING TIME. There will be delicious treats (hype hype hype) and crafts (the rumors are true). It’s going to be a super sweet time for us ladies to connect, and discover the Martha Stewart within—but without the prison part (but maybe include the Justin Bieber Roast part; that part was funny). 10/10 would recommend going. It’s like The Force Awakens: go twice. Go three times. Go in IMAX 3D.

At 8:00pm, when the men come back and GC starts, we’re gonna have a brief talk about doubt and then (drumroll) a student panel answering questions from the audience (that means you) about faith, Jesus, the Bible, how those things look in the Greek System. So bring your doubts, bring your questions, bring your sopping wet socks: basically, come as you are.

Stay toasty, my friends.